Holding Fast in the Midst of Suffering (Mark 14:32-42)

Jesus Prays at Gethsemane (Mark 14:32-42)

They came to a place which was named Gethsemane. He said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I pray.” He took with him Peter, James, and John, and began to be greatly troubled and distressed. He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here, and watch.” (14:32-34)

Although I did know that I was going to be crucified, it was still extremely difficult to prepare for it. My whole body and soul were in torment. I knew that I needed to maintain a strong communion with my Father, despite the coming suffering. 

Remember to practice fellowship and dialogue with us in prayer while things are peaceful around you, so that when there will be torment or suffering we will help you to remain in me and I in you. 

Suffering is often greater when you know in advance what will happen. The Father needed to tell me in advance, so that I could prepare my disciples. Yet, for me it was more painful because my whole being was struggling against this coming death, against the coming wounds and humiliations. 

He went forward a little, and fell on the ground, and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass away from him. He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible to you. Please remove this cup from me. However, not what I desire, but what you desire.” (14:35-36)

This was perhaps the most difficult moment of my whole life on earth. The coming suffering was making me lose focus and I was tempted. The only way for me was to speak to the Father, and to find confirmation of His direction in this so difficult moment. I asked Him if there was an alternative road for the Father’s will to be done. 

Remember that I relinquished, during my time on earth, all knowledge related to my divinity. All I learned was through my dialogues with the Father and with the Holy Spirit, through the education of Mary and Joseph, through all the human teachers I had, through the Scriptures. I was showing the way for others to follow, and therefore I did not use any power that my disciples would not have access to. 

Remember that suffering can be like a thick fog, when you don’t see anymore clearly what you know is here, when you can stumble easily because your senses are troubled and inefficient. This was the case for me, and I could only hang to one thing, the direction of my Father. I knew that my vision was blurred, that the coming pains were already overwhelming me, so prayer was the only way for me, for the Father to break this thick fog and help me see through His eyes and receive the confirmation I needed at this moment. 

He came and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “Simon, are you sleeping? Couldn’t you watch one hour?Watch and pray, that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (14:37-38)

As I had the impression that my Father was more distant, I hoped that my disciples would be at my side through watching and prayer. Yet, they were sound asleep. For me, I could sense the strong temptation to not follow the Father’s direction. My body was screaming that it did not want to go the way I was taking, like an animal who knows that it will be slaughtered and already hears the screams of pain that will come. 

Yet, even my dear Simon was asleep. He was so close to me, and I knew that he would be deeply hurt by his denial, yet he could not watch and pray, he went asleep. I was so sorry for him, to see him slumber and sleep in this so important moment, therefore I prayed and asked my Father to snatch him away from the devil who was weighting on him so strongly in this moment. 

Again he went away, and prayed, saying the same words. (14:39)

At that moment, I was stripped from all sense of security, my dear disciples did not manage to stay awake and pray, and my relationship with the Father was weakened through my struggling body and soul. It was a very difficult time for me. I made it just barely. I held to what was the dearest to me, my Father’s love, and the faith that He knew more clearly than I did what was good. This allowed me to go through this major trial, remaining in prayer, and received the confirmation that the Father did not want to change the plan, that the cross was what I needed to face. 

In this challenging time of prayer, once I accepted fully the consequences of what was coming, the suffering and cost that I was going to pay through my love for my disciples, I received the peace I was longing for. It was not a peace made of the protection from suffering, but a peace grounded in the sure hope that out of this suffering much good would come. 

Suffering is never a friend, and should never be sought, but there are times when you have to accept that it is a key part of your journey, that you will not be able to avoid it. 

Once I felt again the clear sense of the Father’s will, despite the whirlwind of painful emotions and images that were surrounding my soul, I could find the sense of peace and purpose I needed at this time. 

 Again he returned, and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy, and they didn’t know what to answer him. He came the third time, and said to them, “Sleep on now, and take your rest. It is enough. The hour has come. Behold, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Arise, let us be going. Behold, he who betrays me is at hand.” (14:40-42)

After having prayed through this extremely challenging time, having kept my unity with the Father, I was ready to face the coming trials. I was ready to answer the questions, to carry the cross and to glorify the Father through my death and resurrection. I was also ready for the fall of my dear disciples, assured through this time of prayer of their coming back to me after the resurrection. 

I did not want to wait passively, I wanted to face what was going on, I was ready to go and meet the one who was to betray me. 

You already have or will have to struggle with contradictory emotions, with fear and trembling. I did fear and I did tremble, yet remember that I have overcome this temptation, opening the path of victory for you.

Learn to remain in me and I in you, learn to keep the channel of prayer continually open between you and me, as I did with my Father. In this way, we will see you through, we will accompany you every step of the way so that you will not fall and despair. And even if you were to fall, remember that you can come back to me, like my disciples came back to me after my resurrection. 

In me you have hope and assurance that you can keep your faith, that you can fight the good fight, that you can remain true to my love whatever the situation you face. The path of our love can be very challenging, but as you remain in communion with me you will be able to succeed and go through the fog of pain and suffering.