As Peter was in the courtyard below, one of the maids of the high priest came, and seeing Peter warming himself, she looked at him, and said, “You were also with the Nazarene, Jesus!”
But he denied it, saying, “I neither know, nor understand what you are saying.” He went out on the porch, and the rooster crowed.
The maid saw him, and began again to tell those who stood by, “This is one of them.” But he again denied it. After a little while again those who stood by said to Peter, “You truly are one of them, for you are a Galilean, and your speech shows it.” But he began to curse, and to swear, “I don’t know this man of whom you speak!” The rooster crowed the second time. Peter remembered the word, how that Jesus said to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” When he thought about that, he wept. (14:66-75)
Don’t be too harsh with Peter, as he went through this shameful moment of his life. He just had lost all hope. He was ready to die with me, yet he needed to be broken in some of his certainties, in his impression that nothing could happen to me. He knew that I was the Messiah, that I was the Son of the Living God, that I had the words of eternal life. Yet, he had a hard time accepting that I could be imprisoned, judged and killed. This was too much for him, this did not make sense.
He had just tried to fight the soldiers. He had cut the ear of a servant of the high priest, and I told him to drop his sword, to stop fighting in this way. He then stopped fighting in all the other ways.
He could not understand that I was not defeated, he could not grasp the meaning of the cross yet. He is not the only one, also don’t judge him too harshly. He wanted so much to be with me and to never leave me. Yet, he did not accept that the journey involved such suffering, that I could be crucified.
He grew up with the hope to see the Messiah come, to see him reclaim the throne of David, to reestablish the glorious Jewish nation in its autonomy and faithfulness to God. That was the dream he grew up with, that was the hope he carried in his heart of disciple. How could the Messiah suffer, how could he die? That was not possible for him, that was not thinkable. To be honest, it was already very hard for me to accept this path, to go through this suffering and death. So, please, don’t be too harsh with Peter. There are still so many Peters on this earth that I want to call, who need to have their eyes opened to the power of the cross, to the beauty of my sacrifice.
When he dropped his sword, all his hopes dropped to the floor, he then let despair invade his heart, and saying the truth was not even important anymore for him, he felt rejected by me, lost in his incomprehension. This was a very important moment for him. He had such a strong will, and this strong will still needed to be shaped by the cross, by the sacrifice of love.
So many Peters in your world try to honor me with a sword. They try to please me with their aggressive words, and so few are ready for the sacrifice of love, for the obedience of the sheep. This is this obedience that needed to take shape in Peter, an obedience of love that accepted new ways of our grace. So often, people think that they have figured me out, that they ‘know it all,’ that they can imitate me and do ministry without listening to me every day. This is both foolish and proud, naive and harmful. The wind blows wherever it wishes, and you hear its voice. It is so for every child of God who is moved by our Spirit, who listens to us. Don’t think that it is the Holy Spirit that moves you, when you follow your impulsions without intimacy with me. I am your good shepherd, and I want you to learn to listen to my voice, to dialogue with me when you read Scriptures, to let the Holy Spirit fill you with our loving presence. I want you to learn to be shaped by my love, to adapt the plans of your days to my tender presence, to seek me and to welcome me as the Lord of your days, so that you can become my friend, so that I can become your friend.
People on earth need to learn what friendship is, like a dancer needs to learn the steps. I came to teach you the steps, and you have to follow me and let me guide you in the midst of your days, so that you learn to dance the dance of our love, the dance of divine peace. Don’t think that you can guess which fight to fight and when not to fight, you need our guidance to discern such things, you need to accept that sometimes it does not fit the idea you had of my love. This was the case for Peter, he could not fathom how the cross could be the Father’s way for me. His certainties needed to be broken so that the perfume of my love could spread deeper in his heart, so that the courage of our love could lead him to accept suffering.
I knew that when the shepherd would be struck, the sheep would be scattered. I knew that Satan would do all he could to destroy Peter, yet I interceded for him and I received the assurance from the Father that Peter’s denials would not be the end, that despair would not win the final battle, that it would be a key step but not the final one for Peter.
When in your life you did not understand, when you fail to do what I asked you to do, don’t be too harsh with yourself, don’t condemn yourself. I taught to forgive, and sometimes you have to forgive yourself. The important part is, when you have failed and the weight of guilt crushes you, to come to me and to ask simply for my forgiveness, to listen to my love and let me guide you out of the trap of the fowler. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, learn from your failures, as Peter would later learn from his failure. Learn the deeper meaning of our grace, the power of forgiveness. Forgive yourself and come back to my school of true love. Renounce any false humility, that can hide your unforgiveness like a cloak hides a wound. Welcome tenderness and mercy, welcome the healing power of the Holy Spirit. Accept that you need help, that you still need to learn from me. Come to me and stop judging yourself and others. You have not been created to judge but to love. You have not been created to crush but to build.
Remember Peter. Remember that I did not judge him harshly, even when he condemned himself and wept bitter tears of despair. I never stopped to love Peter, and there are many Peters in your world who still have to forgive themselves, who have to accept that they did not understand the meaning of my cross, who struggle to come back to me. Do not be harsh with them, do not judge them, simply invite them to taste again of my merciful grace, invite the lost sheep to the shepherd. In doing so, you will bring much joy and peace, and you will share my joy to see a lost sheep find again the path of my love.
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